happy birthday!

well - it's technically no longer my birthday, but i haven't had a chance to bloggerise anything up to this point so here goes!

28th september 2015

00:19

good bits:

• it was my birthday! yay!!!
• i got lots of well wishers on telephone, sms, facebook, a video, potential strangers wishing me well - the works!
• had a nice lunch with Master and Alpha....
• got to work on a nice craft project making cardboard masks - i did a bird creature one - turned out ok after feeling completely and utterly lost by it lol
• last night's dinner was wonderful - great to have everyone turn up and had good food, good laughs, great company, lots of nice pics, it was awesome. i was at home with my family and loved every second of it
• tonight i went to see my parents and cousins for dinner - was a bit anxious about how that would turn out, but i think it was all good in the end :-)
• came back to sydney and took Master for a lap of the supermarket and did some chores around the house
• currently awaiting civilisation to download on the laptop to join in a group game with Master and Galen... been hanging for a group game to see how it plays out :-)
• looking forward to this week, continuing my annual leave and relaxing from work and doing completely non work related things to relax and recharge the batteries!
• boss and jo rang up and sang me happy birthday which was very sweet of them :-)
• i love my life as to where it is right now - again i reiterate that i am exactly where i belong and that makes me smile and feel really good on the inside
• i am a good person
• i am sexy
• i am strong, resilient, brave and confident
• day 22 with rubber band - just keep pushing ahead with things

so time to play games now and have a great night with Master and Galen

love you all, whoever might or might not read it

i've had a great day and thanks to those that participated in any way, shape or form as it's added to the fun!

woof!

day 21.....

good afternoon people

how are things going with you all??

i have reached day 21 of my rubber band therapy.

yesterday and today (so far) have had a few challenges for me to deal with or adapt myself to the situations happening around me.....

i was a bit concerned i may have tripped over at the final hurdle..... but i think all is ok.....

meeting brand new people is not my strong point so i think i misplaced my shyness as something worse.... but it wasn't.....

and today at the comic convention thingo whatsit, it was a challenge being in a place where i understood the concept, but was far, far lacking in knowledge to be able to fully know what was going on around me lol

so good bits for last couple of days up to the 'so far' of today:

• i got through the working week
• i am officially on annual leave until 5th october (yay!!!)
• today i started to forget about my work - being in a foreign land helped to scramble the working mind lol)
• i drove up to sydney to hang with my family
• went out for a nice pub dinner last night in newtown
• made a new friend
• slept and rested a fair bit
• went to the comic convention thing and saw lots of different things, costumes, a couple of workshops, lots of colour and noises/sounds
• got involved with photos in my pup hood
• added glebe island to the map in my brain of where i know how to drive to in sydney
• had a couple of good emails come through over the last couple of days
• told important people and my family that i love them
• drove dan's car around a lot (hybrid engine sounds like it has a dymo label machine in it - i'm still expecting a shitload of label stickers to spit out at me through the cd player or something lol)
• tidied up the kitchen a couple of times
• currently just relaxing on the bed with alpha typing this bloggery thing up
• had an investor inspect the house today - fingers crossed they see a good investment and put a good offer to buy the house!!!

on the whole, i think - no, i know, that i've done really well for myself the last 21 days.

tonight's sydney birthday celebration will be wonderful and i'll be able to relax and enjoy myself and hopefully not think too much about other people and whether they're having a good time or not.... they are there to celebrate a sexy man's birthday, so of course they'll be having a GREAT time!

be good to see some faces i haven't seen in a while :-)

tomorrow night i'll go down to robbotown and visit parents, and cousins will probably be there, and have a birthday dinner there which should be nice too

and i'm looking forward to the rest of my week off and looking forward to seeing april again - it'll probably be a year since i saw her last! she's in her new house and i can't wait to see it and meet her puppy dog! :-)

tomorrow will complete the 32nd rotation of the earth in this existence. much has changed since i turned 31 last year, all of it for the bettering of my life and my existence.

the last 21 days has helped me to calm down a bit, take a step back, and realise and acknowledge a lot more of what i have in my life, who i have in my life, what opportunities i have had and what opportunities are still to present themselves fully to me...

i'm in a good place. i am exactly where i belong. and i am damn please about that.

i am strong, confident, incredibly resilient, funny, loving, caring, trustworthy, reliable, generous, brave and sexy!! :-)

so be good and watch me eat well tonight!

i'm better prepared for it this time i think :-) i've had a rice paper roll and a small tub of yoghurt today and i'll stop there.... onwards to the BBQ feast at brazilian tonight!!

*burp*

short n sweet.....

good evening all!

it's tuesday

22/09/2015

20:27

what can i tell you about the day?

hmmm

good bits:

finished a set of shop drawings
started the second set of shop drawings
attended a builder's meeting for a potential new project on the cards
packed the truck for the trip away
put out the garbage
asked a couple of friends to have dinner in canberra
avoided a near accident due to road rage
rubber band is now up to day 17
checked in with neighbour sharon
had dinner
told my important ones that i love them all

the list is a bit short at the moment.... i'm really just knuckling down on trying to get work under control so when i'm off on annual leave, i have a relatively clean desk... i shouldn't stress if it isn't, cause things will continue on in my absence anyway no matter how much work i do right this moment...

so i'll try to worry less about that

and hey! i'm still good looking!! it never fails me :-)

i'm a great guy and i love my life and i love myself

g'night! :-)
xo

Monday evening

Well it's Monday

It's a really odd contrasting feeling having very sun burnt shoulders and yet the next day is cold and miserable lol cause it means I have to rug up and that also means lots of material rubbing against the burns lol

21st September 2015

20:04

Good bits:

- relatively good night sleep

- wore my retainer during the night

- very productive day at work

- checked up on neighbour Sharon to make sure she's resting well

- watching some family guy before bed

- told loved ones I love them

Short list today, was really involved in my work to notice much else

Oh day 16 rubber band down pat

Nearing the finish line....

happy birthday - editions 1 and 2 out of 5.....

good evening!

what a beautiful day it was today - clear, blue skies, sunshine.... sunburn......

(hello summer wife beater tan)

the truck is clean!!!!

20/09/2015

20:28

good stuff:

• friday night dinner in ballarat with ballan bears and robyn - awesome night, robyn is lovely and i've missed her heaps! a shame some of the others from masters couldn't make it.... next time!
• had a tad too much to drink on friday night, but prepared well that night, had water by the bedside, woke up at 6am and took some panadol to beat the slight beginnings of a headache, drank more water.... i was good by lunch time when i had some kfc to kill off the rest of the wine in my body
• got to clean alpha's house, always a satisfying feeling to see a home get a shine to it
• alpha and i went walkabout to eagle leather and manhaus to see what wares they had for sale....
• dinner at watergardens pub last night was wonderful!
• great group of people
• great food (i think i finished with about 5 plates of mains and 2 plates of dessert..... no, sorry, make that 3 plates of dessert)
• i love a buffet when the quality of food is good
• i was very happy that my friends got to meet my boss and wife, and vice versa - lots of people putting names to faces etc
• i was really, really pleased that alpha had a great time, being one of the most important people in my life and my family, i wanted to make sure he had a great time, and he did :-)
• slept for a few hours overnight then up early to take neighbours to southern cross to catch a train out to bairnsdale to go visit sharon's daughter...
• sharon had kidney pain so couldnt go with hubby and keeley, so i brought her home, i felt sad for them all, but we all agreed that sharon needs to be close to home if something major happens
• so the good point is that i was able to be there for her for a few hours this morning to make sure she was ok
• i vaccuummmeeddd and washed the truck!! at long bloody last!!! (and to spite me - i found one fleck of red glitter in the back seat after all the cleaning and washing finished LOL)
• had a couple hours nap in the afternoon
• made pork and omelette for dinner
• dishwasher is going
• washing and ironing complete
• told all the important people i love them
• day 15 of rubber banding is under the belt! (i can see the finish line)

and i was looking pretty hot for my dinners - just wish i remembered to wear some leather over my shirt - braces or vest or something like that

looking forward to work tomorrow to start the week off and get to thursday lunch time when annual leave starts YAY!

i'm a great guy, sexy, smart, incredibly resilient, honest, caring, loving, generous, brave, strong and understanding.

i'm the best!

have a good night people - love you all :-)

high in the sky.....!

been a few days, i know - been a bit slack as i've been city based the last couple days

playing tail end of [everything to lose (armin van buuren mix) - dido]

[saltwater (original mix) - chicane]

i rock.

i had another couple of moments of weakness where anxiety was on the horizon in the far distant..... distant.... umm... well - horzion! lol

i was able to at least pinpoint what i was noticing of my emotions and actions and tried whatever i could do to subside the feelings.

given how good i am feeling at the moment, i think i did alright (never mind the relatively nice news i had earlier this afternoon)

18/09/2015

17:21

*looks to the left out the window as the 17:22 train to wendouree flies past*

partly cloudy, maybe about 13° or so....

good-o bits:

• tidied myself up again with a head buzz cut thingo in the tub and trimmed up the beard a bit
• had a great couple of days with Master and alpha
• got to attend another shibari class on wednesday night - i'm LOVING it - but i do enjoy being the bunny and getting tied up - i'm sure one day i'll be game enough to try doing the actual ties, but i get easily lost with knots (give me a ratchet set any day hahaha)
• got to play board games last night after a nice dinner with marcus and zel - hadn't seen marcus for ages so was nice to see him and get a strong hug from him :-)
• work had it's usual ups and downs but finished on an up which was awesome
• looking forward to ballarat steakhouse dinner tonight with ballan bears and a few of the old crew from back at masters - love you robyn!
• and then a big gathering tomorrow night for my melbourne folk - love to share good times with good people
• got to take Master to run an errand and then deliver him promptly to the airport for his flight home
• i didn't get upset or teary when i dropped him off (sign of strength building - thank you!)
• i got to help alpha with organising some new bi-fold doors at his place :-)
• i get to introduce alpha to a bundle of my friends tomorrow night (next week i get to introduce him and Master to some of my nsw friends yay!!)
• good a good message earlier this afternoon
• paid off gas bill, part of the council rates - bills are always there but i am managing nicely which is a comfort

[let's get down (full intention club mix) - supafly vs fishbowl]

• planning of giving the truck a well deserved, long overdue, desperately needed, everybody wanted it, wash and vaccuum on sunday (hasn't been done since the morning of mardi gras parade and yes - there is still glitter on the dashboard and on the floors)
• speaking of which - enjoying being a part of planning next year's float once again - had a fucking great experience doing that as my first pride march thing of any sort in my life
• looking forward to having a week off work soon to switch off and regroup myself a bit
• another open for inspection tomorrow late morning - fingers crossed *the one* turns up, falls in love and puts in a decent offer - let's get this shit sorted! :-)
• currently singing - which is always an AWESOME thing (for those who haven't read about how i accidentally learned how to sing - check it out http://bigbluebearsbrain.blogspot.com.au/2014/03/i-started-to-sing-because-i-thought-i.html )

[exposure (original mix) - gareth emery]

yeah i think that'll be enough for now - no use anticipating the good stuff - wait until it happens then report back here!!

who knows, i might have stuff to blogger about tonight after dinner - don't ply me blind bears! :-) i have to drive in the morning lol

love you all - and i am sexy - and i ROCK!

Interesting

15/09/2015

21:18

In bed

Long day

Lost about an hour and a half of sleep last night from torrential downpours making a racket on the roof and windows lol

Good bits:

- had an apple on way to work

- had a good lunch

- got some good feedback at work

- I was proud that despite some rough terrain during the day, I managed to handle myself calmly and didn't resort to old habits of anxiety

- I also didn't project my problems onto others, especially onto Master or Dion

- got home late but still made myself a half decent meal for dinner

- I wore my retainer last night and it's in at the moment for tonight

- I told my family I love them

- I thanked them also for their support and guidance

My eyes are sore so I should end it there and get zzzzz'ing.....

Tomorrow will be day 11 of rubber banding :)

push through the junky stuff :-)

i'm very angry and tiredness isn't helping

*pushes all that aside*

[insert smile here] :-)

righto :-)

it's 14th september 2015 and it's 15:53

bit of an up and down day - just think it's the travel and tiredness catching up on me

good bits:

• washing and ironing all completed
• had a great weekend with family in sydney
• got to drive Master to melbourne yesterday - was a good drive, perfect weather, nice music, great company
• dinner at ballarat steakhouse last night - yay! and another this friday to use my birthday voucher
• did a little bit of work from home today
• had neighbour sharon over for cup of tea and biscuits to shoot the breeze and to get my headspace back to relatively half decent again :-)
• learned to do something on my own yesterday
• rubber band is on right hand wrist - day 9 i think! go me! *fist pumps*
• i am a sexy man
• i am a good person, loving, caring, kind, honest, reliable, generous, brave and strong
• i belong to my Master and that's a great thing
• i have great people in my life that make me feel good and that's also a great thing
• my mind is wandering a little bit but i'm trying my best to ignore it and keep myself occupied - it's just the tired mind mucking up
• one week off work has been approved - yay
• i'm looking forward to catching up with various people at various dinnery things to celebrate my birthday
• i got the new watch i ordered from qantas frequent flyer points last week, this morning
• the weather is nice and sunny and mild today
• i told my loved ones that i love them and appreciate their presence in my life

might make dinner soon and have an earlyish night

love to all of you reading as well xoxo

friday evening

good evening all!

*fossicks around for a calendar thingo*

11th september 2015

19:27

hey guess what! day 6 with rubber band on right wrist - [insert audio clip of the dude from Bejeweled Blitz saying "a new high score!"]

drive up to sydney was good, nice weather, bit relaxing, goodbye gwennovere and all that :-)

good stuff since last bloggerdoodley post thingy:

• picked up 2 contracts worth about 150 thousand bucks all up
• i'm in sydney and hanging out with family and friends
• got to play some role playing game last night when i arrived
• late night burgers with Master and Dion - i miss todd!
• had a good morning at work yesterday - didn't let anything get to me
• helped Dion today with a trip to the city to get his latest work uniform
• went for a trip to reverse garbage and got some little screw top bottles to distil some cleaning products to help make some leather cleaning kits
• got a heap of ironing done for Master and some of my own as well
• japanese yum for dinner
• get to take Master to work tonight and then go for a late night lap of woolies with Dion
• i get to have cuddles with Dion tonight :-)
• more gaming tomorrow!
• the weather has been absolutely PERFECT today
• paid some council rates, paid some more of the fuel injectors (yay! i'm under a grand to go!)

hmm power outage has stunted my thought processes lol

all good - i'm good :-)

and i'm a sexy fella too

Getting tied up

Good day today :)

09/09/2015

22:32

I had a brain snap moment which was really good!

Just felt like I made some progress in my headspace :) was awesome.

I started to get a bit of the "I really don't care" like I used to have many, many years ago.

Not so much that I don't care, but I don't have to care so much at 100% levels

Today:

- progressing with getting 150k worth of work over the line

- possibly getting another 80k worth of work over the line on Friday

- my desk is a bit of a mess but everything is under control at the same time

- rubber band is still on my right wrist (look Sharon! Go me!)

- told my family members that I love them

- went to a rope shibari dojo lesson with alpha and I got to be the dummy - it was awesome and incredibly interesting :)

- had a nice pizza for dinner afterwards with alpha at an Italian place that is closing in a couple of weeks (the lady who runs it is retiring, she was lovely)

- I get to see my Sydney family again this weekend and help Master out with some tasks, which I really love to do

- I got to tidy up alpha's place which I also love to do (he's teased me with some ironing so I'll definitely be back for that!)

- I helped out another friend by being a personal reference on their resume

- took a nice dusk/evening picture of Brunswick station looking in the up direction :)

And hey - don't forget how sexy I've been looking!!! I'm a stunner!!!

So tomorrow is going to be my new high score on the rubber band game - 5 days... Yes I'm counting the chook before she hatches cause I'm motivated enough to want it enough to make it happen.....

I'm a great person. I love to help people. I want everyone to feel (me) as good as I do :)

The truck is topped up and I'm just about ready to sleep before my halfish day at work before driving north and singing for a few hours

Might whack gwynnevere on at some point too - haven't listened to that in a while.....

Life is really good, I feel that I've turned a corner today.

So no looking back. Give me the future and watch me shine! :)

Love you all for reading and keep a big smile on ya face! :)

Pleasantries

Good evening to you good reader

8th September 2015

19:15

Dinner is on the go. Nuggets, dim sims and sausage roll with a side of rice... And some biscuits with hot chai instant latte thing afterwards...

Not a bad day today:

- we picked up a small job today

- 2 larger jobs may still come through for us this week - all up about 150k worth of work which will be nice if we can secure them

- got hungry so went to maccas for lunch... Thought about Todd again so that gave me a smile :)

- relatively productive work day otherwise

- remote control for the gate to work came in handy as it was raining this morning! :)

- having a giggle at Fast Forward while blogging :)

- got a little ancy during the day but managed to keep the buggers at bay :)

- found another giggly way to express my sexiness lol

- posted a bundle of things on Facebook and interacted with a few posts to keep myself amused

- told my loved ones that i love them 

- reminded myself that I'm a good person and that I am worthy of this life

That'll be enough... I need foodage!

Love and peace to all :)

a giggly posting tonight :-)

ok so i played with the mobile on the way home tonight

i am learning how good the Siri thingo is and how bad it is at the same time lol

so i wanted to record some dictation for things that popped into my head whilst driving that i could add to my list of positives for the day

07/09/2015
Monday
19:55

the furry house

positives:

• i paid some of the council rates notice
• Siri: "i play my council rates bill"

• i had a good day at work too
• Siri: "i paid my council rates and i had a good day at work and i told me"

[not bad Siri]

• i had fun talking to Siri driving home from work
• Siri: "i had fun talking to Siri driving home from work"

[how convenient that you got that one spot on first time Siri!]

• i helped a friend out who needed some advice and i think i gave him some good advice :-)
• Siri (attempt #1): "my friend's name"
• Siri (attempt #2): "i help today goodbye"
• Siri (attempt #3): "i help friend today"

[i guess that'll do Siri - it'll remind me what i wanted to write about]

• i got to see melbourne at night on the way home (from pentland hills) and see the beautiful lights
• Siri: "melbourne at night time store"

[well if you feel like spending money on me, i won't stop you - just use your own cash Siri!]

• my train porno arrived in the post yesterday!
• Siri: "train"

[well that's a start...]

• i started watching some Fast Forward on dvd during dinner
• Siri: "i started watching dvd"

[now you're getting better]

• i started researching a glass project for Dion
• Siri: "i started researching a glass project Dion"

[well Dion knows about it since he asked me to do it for him, but i guess Siri wants to remind Dion about it...]

• i finally got a remote control to the gate at work!
• Siri: "i finally got a remind control to the gate at work"

[at least she didn't think i was saying 'mind control' - that would've been concerning....]

so that was all a bit of fun, and lots of laughs... there were a few other niceties about today that Siri didn't try to knacker in the notations (as i didn't bother challenging her with them lol)

• had a nice productive at work
• got my birthday voucher for ballarat steakhouse
• got to talk to boss about how i'm going with becoming a better person, and even had a chat about some bdsm stuff briefly
• told important people in my life that i love and care about them
• found a different long sleeve top to wear this week at work - hello rm williams rugby top :-)
• told myself and others that i am sexy
• i am reliable, kind, strong, resilient and warm
• i am worthy of this life and of my purpose and existence

and now the timers are going off so i better go shove some food in my gob!!!

love you all :-)

Restart.....

Far out how annoying

I had written something up then it bloody all disappeared lol

Try again

6/9/15

15:10

Wodonga

Been off this for a couple of days whilst in Sydney with family and friends

Tripped over the power cable at one point and have taken a hard reboot... As such the elastic band got moved on to the left hand for a couple days....

It's back on the right hand again... So the counter starts again...

Positives from this weekend:

- I learned about how my actions and emotions can affect those around me

- I learned to be mindful about these situations to ensure I am more considerate of those around me

- I learned to push myself to be stronger, braver, more giving to loved ones

- I did my best to repair some of the hurt I caused to others

- I got to be there to help celebrate my Master's birthday

- I got to see and catch up with Conan at Master's birthday dinner

- Dion hugs

- helped alpha with shopping by carting back and delivering his large purchases to Melbourne (en route)

- been a relatively smooth trip so far 

- I got to learn more about Broc - he's great!

- played lots of board games

- laughed and made people laugh

- got to be with the family i belong to and love with all my heart

I'm disgusted with my actions, however it serves as motivation to be a better person, better family member, better household member and most importantly - a better slave and servant

I deserve the best and I want the same for those around me who I love and care about. They all deserve the best from me.

Be fucked if I'm going to let the demons get to me and piss it all up against the wall. No fucking way.

I will do what it takes to be the best. For me and for all.

I love making my Master and my family happy and proud.

I will continue in my road to self improvement.

I belong to you Master and I am very proud of that.

strength and pride

i had a close call tonight

but i think it was just the emotions i put in when watching tv shows that i love

and so ends season 6 of the good wife - and another WOW finish :-)

02/0/2015

20:56

good bitties:

• Master's birthday today - he loved his present - i'm very proud of that :-)
• busyish day at work but i managed to keep everything together and get lots of stuff done
• bandying around the whole "i'm sexy, i'm hot, i'm handsome" etc etc at work and it's giving a good laugh for us all :-)
• had phone call from the boss after i got home tonight to talk about one of the jobs, and towards the end he says "my ears are burnin'...... that must be you with your hotness coming down the phone line! you and your portuguese spice! stop that! i'm gettin' off the phone now!" hahaha
• i'm looking forward to spending time with my family this weekend :-)
• i'm a little sad that todd won't be there for late night burgers, but i'll live, and so will he hahaha
• house is tidy and vaccuummeeddd
• started to spread the word about the wonderful website Alpha made for me
• gave the link to the real estate and she sounded pretty excited by it too - fingers crossed it helps with peaking some more interest
• i love Dion and i get to spend time with him again before he goes back to work - yay, Dion hugs!
• all things considered at work, i think it's going alright, it's been great connecting with jarrod as i've not worked with him much, and we get along great :-)
• i am a great person
• i am helpful, kind, caring, loving, considerate, reliable and worthy of this life and of my existence
• i have strength and i have purpose
• i am brave and i am generous

*nods* things are good

so the good thoughts should, and do, override the lesser, negative, useless thoughts :-)

that's how the mind should operate, isn't it?

that's how i want mine to operate :-)

so day 3 rubber band on the right wrist..... i think i can safely proceed to day 4 tomorrow!

• i am proud of myself

keep it up!

i am a good person

i am strong, loyal, understanding, funny, honest and passionate

i am deserving of this life

tuesday

1st september 2015

good stuff:

• productive day at work
• made the boss laugh with my 'i'm sexy' commentaries
• one of the bears at work complimented me on my beard and asked how he could make his look similar as he's due for a trim
• slowly making inroads to getting 2 more projects over the line at work
• the weather was absolutely perfect - clear blue skies and sunshine - been a long time since we've had a good day like that weather-wise :-)
• took some more video footage of the house towards the website build to help sell it
• had a good sized meal for dinner and had some banana cake and blueberries for dessert
• watched some more of the good wife - wow!
• told myself and others that i am sexy and created some good banter from it :-)
• did my best to brush off potential anxieties and anxious thoughts that ventured in the distant horizons
• wore my split most of the night last night
• didn't really feel the need for a nap in the truck when i got to work this morning
• i am good at what i do
• had a good lunch to eat

yeah i think that's about covered it for the day.

had a few niggles at work, frustrations etc, but hey, that's work, and life continues :-)

i'm looking forward to Master opening his birthday present. i love to give presents - one of a few things that get me excited - to get their reaction and see how good i can make someone feel :-)

20:06

waiting for a few of the last vids to upload to dropbox then i'll go hit the bed i reckon

good day. i'm doing good.

i'm a great person and i love my life. i am proud of my efforts and of myself.

i rock.